I've lost something and I don't know where it is. It's not down the back of the sofa or in the stuff drawer or at the bottom of the Washing Mountain. It answers to the name of 2016 and I think it must have just upped sticks and walked out of the front door (I don't blame it) as it can't be nearly December already. However this is neither the time nor the place to lament on the earth-shattering significance of 2016 - we shall save that for January's post-Christmas reflection. For now I am firmly focusing my attentions on The Christmas List. And by this I do mean my own Christmas List not what I am buying for other people. Always sort out your own oxygen mask before helping others, remember that.
Firstly a caveat. I do know that my chances of receiving any of these items are slim to you-must-be-joking but I think that is the point of a Christmas List. Who wants the predictability of actually receiving things one has asked for? Where is the fun in that? If I don't practise my 'oh really you shouldn't have' face regularly then I fear I will lose the knack for it and that is a risk I simply cannot take. So here is my frivolous, highly unrealistic - i.e. expensive - list of my Christmas wants, sorry, needs.
This is no ordinary pillowcase, let me tell you. This is a pillowcase infused with copper oxide which will apparently seep into my skin overnight so I wake up looking like a 17 year old. Yes really! And there's a matching eye mask. Sign me up, I'm in.
I absolutely need a pair of incredibly decadent silk pyjamas in my life. Yes I appreciate how impractical they are given you'll never get a red wine stain out of them but I'm going for black so the wine won't even show up. I like to picture myself reclining on a fur in front of a roaring fire in a log cabin in the mountains in these but that would be RIDICULOUS so let's just stick to the pjs.
The double Gs have made a comeback in a big way over the last year and I don't like to miss a bandwagon when it is passing. This colour is simply delicious and is probably one of those shades of pink that doesn't go with anything therefore making me want it even more.
While we're at it may as well throw a pair of shoes into the Gucci basket. I'd like to say I have slightly more restraint than to wear the bag with the shoes but I don't. If you've got it, flaunt it which means wear all the Gucci at once. They also do these in black but that would be just silly.
One of my favourite Carrie Bradshaw moments is when Big gives her a black diamond ring and she questions whether this is the colour of her soul. I suspect mine is either black or pink so I'll take diamonds in either colour please.
Anything that can promise to evoke 'the magic hour of perfect lighting' is going straight in my basket. I don't even know what that means but it sounds like it is going to make me look utterly amazing so I simply must have it. However I do tend to stockpile make-up, mostly due to the fact that I have no idea how to use it, so this may be slightly wasted on me. Oh well let's give it a go and I'll let you know whether the moths have eaten it next Christmas.
In my opinion you simply cannot have a Christmas List which does not feature a candle. In fact all lists should feature a candle; shopping lists, to do lists, places-to-visit lists. These coconut candles by Australian brand Cocolux are delicious and the copper pot doubles up as a stuff jar once you can be bothered to clean all the wax out. By the way I'd be happy with any fragrance, I'm not fussy.
This one I think I may actually manage; Genevieve Sweeney sparkly socks. I must admit I have already bought these for myself and am in fact wearing them now so what I am actually asking for is another pair please. Oh and may I have them monogrammed please just because I can.
Well that should do it. Plenty for my family and friends to be getting along with there. I suppose I should start working on what I am going to give others but hey, I need to put some thought what I am going to wear my new Gucci shoes with. Oh and if you are out shopping and happen upon 2016 please ask what the heck happened with Mr T.